Mother’s pregnant in some clinic
Brother Ernie is a spiv
Uncle Alfred says (the cynic)
We’re too Catholic to live
Sister Suzy’s always praying
To the statues on the shelf
And I’m dangling my tootsies
While I’m singing to myself
I was picked up with my dolly
By a lovely gentleman
He bought me an ice cream lolly
Took me to the park and then
He drew out his bulging wallet
And he told me “Help yourself!”
Soon I’m dangling my tootsies
While he whistles to himself
Father’s lost a year’s remission
And his moll is hopping mad
Solitary’s his condition
Mother’s feeling awful bad
Father’s never had it better
Mugs of cocoa on the shelf
And he’s dangling his tootsies
While he’s locked up by himself
Sometimes when the moon is rising
Then I feel all queer and limp
And my Bill I’m visualizing
He was my boyfriend and a pimp
And I dream that they will hang him
And that I’ll stay on the shelf
And he’s dangling his tootsies
While he’s swinging by himself
