i’ve pushed a chair below the fixture
i’ve tied a knot around the rod
still i’ve yet to find the courage
to take that step forward
coiled around each moment
growing in our organs
nobody gets around it
friendships never feel substantial
lovers see me at my worst
no joy in social interaction
no pleasure left in sexual conquest
just wasted life force
torn flesh
an overrated high
once the body exceeds its shelf life
there’s no temptation or desire
seems like every connection that i make
inevitably turns morose or banal
but chasing comfort through the gutters led me here
one fix away from a perfect place
into the fold of heaven’s captives
locked in a cell behind its gates
stripping away the moral bondage
laying the mind and heart to rest
into the burn
gathering light
severing self from flesh and blood
into the void
into the end
falling
spinning
suddenly i am moving through the moments of my crimes
seeing myself through my victim’s eyes
now i am the carrion
my own release
the blackest recess
my deepest need
i’m not suffering
i am blossoming
into an absence
an open vacancy
i’m not afraid
i am finally at peace
