Текст песни How I Met Your Mother - 1x01 part1

How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S01
Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story. The story of how I met your mother.
- Are we being punished for something? -No.
- Yeah, is this gonna take a while? -Yes.
Twenty-five years ago, before I was Dad, I had this whole other life. It was way back in 2005. I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect and living in New York with Marshall, my best friend from college. My life was good. And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up.
- Will you marry me?
- Yes. Perfect. And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne, you drink a toast, you have sex on the kitchen floor. Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.
- Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.
- Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily. I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily. The night you met your first date, other first things.
- Yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep.
- It's physics, Marshall. If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too. My God, you're getting engaged tonight.
- Yeah. What are you doing tonight?
What was I doing? Here, Uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life. And me? I'm calling up your Uncle Barney.
- Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls? Well, now I've got a new favorite. Lebanese girls. Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians.
- Hey, you wanna do something tonight?
- Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!

- Hey. Where's your suit? Just once, when I say "suit up" I wish you'd put on a suit.
- I did. That one time.
- It was a blazer.
- You know, ever since college it's been Marshall and Lily and me. Now it's gonna be Marshall and Lily and me. They'll get married, start a family. Before long, I'm that weird middle-aged bachelor their kids call "Uncle Ted."
- I see what this is about. Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?

- Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. Barney. We met at the urinal.
- Oh, right. Hi.
- Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn't go with your suit.
- I'm not wearing a suit.
- Lesson two, get a suit.
- Suits are cool. Exhibit A.
- Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till you're 30.

- Thirty. Right, you're right. I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged, you start thinking about that stuff.
- I thought I was your best friend. Ted, say I'm your best friend.
- You're my best friend, Barney.
- Good. Then as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game I like to call, "Have you met Ted?"
- No, no, no, no, we're not playing "Have you met Ted."
- Hi, have you met Ted?
- Hi, I'm Ted.
- Yasmin.
- It's a very pretty name.
- Thanks. It's Lebanese.

- Hey.
- I'm exhausted. It was finger-painting day at school and a 5-year-old boy got to second base with me. Wow, you're cooking?
- Yes, I am.
- Are you sure that's a good idea after last time. You looked really creepy without eyebrows.
- I can handle this. I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight.
- So there are more surprises? Like what?
Marshall was in his second year of law school, so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet.
- Boogedy boo! And that's all of them. I'm gonna go cook.

- I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. I just couldn't imagine settling down right now.
- So do you think you'll ever get married?
- Well, maybe eventually. Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park. Simple ceremony. We'll write our own vows. Band, no DJ. People will dance, I'm not gonna worry about it. Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged? Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh?
- Actually, I think it's cute.
- Well, you're clearly drunk. One more for the lady!

- Oh, hey, look what I got.
- Oh, honey, champagne.
- Yeah.
- No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne.
- I'm not scared.
- Then open it.
- Fine. Please, open it.
- Gosh, you are unbelievable, Marshall.
There are two big questions a man has to ask in life. One you plan out for months, the other just slips out when you're half-drunk at some bar.
- Will you marry me?
- Of course, you idiot!

- You wanna go out sometime?
- I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend.
- What's up, Carl?

- I promised Ted we wouldn't do that.
- Did you know there's a Pop-Tart under your fridge?
- No, but dibs. Where's that champagne? I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée. I don't know why I was so scared of this. It's pretty easy, right?