got a call at 5 p.m.
you were lying on the intensive care unit
daddy said you had a nervous breakdown ‘cause he couldn’t deal with
the situation.
no accusation!
but mum gave me the real radical facts.
suicide attempt. insulin. pain-killers.
paradoxical. toxical.
you wrote a farewell letter by saying you’re sorry
and that you love us
but you can’t live in this fucking world anymore.
epic fail.
you’re still here.
do you realize?
I asked why
and got this rhetoric answer: ‘cause life sucks.
yeah..right way solving problems!
what was your intention?
disappear forever?
asking for help?
silent but massive cry for help!
now..you reject.
wasted effort!
today your life seems to be normal again.
work, friends, ideal of beauty.
lead a perfect life for the ones around.
facade? truth?
suppression.
what goes around comes around
assume responsibility!
and live with the consequences.
welcome to life.
but who am I telling you how life works?!
sorry, I exceed the limits.
for me you changed everything.
and nothing will be as it was before.
hardness and ignorance are reality now.
probably my behavior will have fateful consequences
like yours did
but I do not know how I can defeat being angry and embittered..
one wish: making your deed undone.
impossible.
but “never underestimate the impossible”..
I’M so SORRY for giving up and treating you like that
but you wanted me to live my life without you?!
now I know: suicides are egoists.
and I got nothing left to say..
currently.
