my mother beat me so much as a kid
with cooking spoons, belts, coat hangers on a nigh-daily basis
it crushed my spine, it crushed my self esteem
and every time she locked me in the attic, i internalized all of it
so i grew up to be self-loathing
i grew up to be depressed
i grew up to spend entire weeks with my head buried in my hands
my father beat me aswell so he is no better at all
nowadays hes angry that we never seem to talk
'youre being too resentful. you should really move on'
well you never showed remorse or apologized at all
so i cannot
and i am envious of everyone growing up in a healthy environment
and i hate myself for not being over it after years
and how i lack the financial stability to move out
but most importantly i hate my mother and her spouse
"you're being overdramatic again."
i've always been a weakling
i guess it just can't be helped.
